The Wallflower Secrets
a personal blog

DAY-OFF DIARIES

There’s nothing much to blog about but here’s how my day off went in a nutshell:


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WHEN LOVE LEAVES
Sunday April 13, 2014

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FLICKR.

One moment you were so in love with each other then time comes when cute messages slowly fades away, when you couldn’t feel it anymore, when you realized it’s not something that you wanted, when silence isn’t comfortable anymore, when there are more tears and doubts than smiles, when lies grow, or when you found out that you’re not the only one.

Just keep in mind that you’re not alone. Everyone goes through it. Maybe some good things really lasts but most of the time, it doesn’t. I know it’s harsh but that’s the truth. 

Don’t ever question what you did wrong cos most of the time, it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault I guess. It’s just that they found someone new. Let them be happy than fight for someone who doesn’t really want to be with you and be miserable. 

Know your worth. There are reasons why these things happen and they’re for the best. You may not see it now but one day you will. You’re gonna find someone new too who won’t ever leave you or exchange you for someone else.

Be the bigger person. Move on, let things be and be happy. Love sure didn’t stay but there are some great memories and there are some lessons that you’ve learned. 

As the Sarah Kay poem goes,

"Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, 
And love leaves exactly when love must. 
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. 
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper, 
“Thank you for stopping by.”

If you’re going through something like this, you might want to listen to this. CLICK READ MORE.

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DAY OFF DIARIES

My week has been so full of drama. Maybe others are waiting for me to really break down or give a rage on social media but I’m cool about it. I’m amazed on how strong I am every single day. And I know I’ll get this through. Everything happens for a reason and it’s for the best of everyone.

1. I finally had my passport! I’m so excited for the trip to Thailand with my mom. Just kind of disappointed on how my photo turned out. It looks like a mugshot.

2. Spent a day with my best friend since freshman high school! She’s the most awesome person ever! She’s always been there for me. She’s always ready to listen. We slept under the stars like we always dreamed of doing since like, forever. I’m glad I’m sharing those stars with her.

3. This is the last thing I see everytime I go to sleep. Since last week, I’ve been sleeping in our rooftop and it’s the best bedroom I’ve ever had!

4. Been abusing my macro lens for my iphone with pictures of flowers. It’s amazing how a lens can capture nature in close up.

I know this week has been pretty hard but that’s when you’ll know who’s gonna be there for you, you’ll know who your real friends are and you’ll know how much you’re worth. My day offs keeps me sane and I’m glad I spent it with the people who truly loves me.


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LIVING LIFE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY
Sunday April 6, 2014

I haven’t discussed this issue a lot cos I don’t know if I want everyone to know that I have this and it’s quite personal but I want you to be aware of it and hopefully you’ll learn something from this especially if you’re suffering from this as well.

Social anxiety is more than just shyness and awkwardness. It involves intense fear of social situations. As much as you want to be with people and have a great time, there’s always that fear holding you back: fear of people judging you, fear of humiliating yourself, fear of being looked at, it’s endless fears. And you end up not saying anything at all cos you don’t know what to talk about, you avoid every parties or any social situations, you hate small talks, you have very low self esteem and the like.

One time it got so bad that I was having more absenteeism at school, avoiding people, not talking to my teacher about my missing quizzes cos I get scared of them, had depression, loss of appetite, and had panic attacks..not the one where you ran out of breath but the one where my anxiety got really bad and it turned physical..my back hurts so bad and there was a point where I couldn’t feel half of my face and my arms. It was so scary. 

I’m conquering it little by little. It’s hard but I’m trying everything. And here’s how I do it:

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DAY-OFF DIARIES
Wednesday April 2, 2014

I’m gonna start this segment called DAY-OFF DIARIES where I will talk about things that I did on my day off. Work has been stressing me out, I mean, it’s fun but as an introvert facing people everyday drains me and my day-off is like my ME time. Sometimes it’s one hell of an adventure with my family and friends but most of the time, I just spend it alone in my sanctuary which I actually did today.

The start of the day off is when I get off from a graveyard 12am-8am shift. I get two graveyard shifts in a row and it really is wasn’t good cos I find it really hard to sleep in the morning. When my day off begins, I am practically a living zombie. 

  • I usually grab a breakfast at a nearby McDonald’s or Jollibee store before heading home. 
  • I get really sleepy on the ride home but when I’m actually home, I couldn’t go to sleep immediately with all these gadgets and internet. So I just go online and hoping I’ll sleep.
  • I get really happy if I slept more than 2 hours. So instead of 2 day offs, I feel like I only have one cos the other one is spent on sleeping and relaxing.
  • It was so hot last night and we’re not allowed to use the AC cos the outlet broke so I set up my own little sleeping space in our rooftop/terrace. The stars were my roof. It was so beautiful. I have a huge feeling I’m gonna sleep there later. I had the best sleep ever!

  • I was awaken by the sunrise. It was absolutely breathtaking. 
  • I took a selfie of course cos why not and who could ever fill the other part of the heart? As of now, I am enjoying being single!
  • I didn’t go out today. My mom and I usually watch a movie on my 2nd day off but not today. All they show was Captain America and we’re not really a fan. 
  • Watched Pretty Little Liars episodes that I’ve missed. I can’t wait for season 5! They were this close to finding out who A is, so many revelations and I hope Ezra is not dead!
  • I’m now in my sanctuary which I call our rooftop. I think this is gonna be my room now. Haha. Spent time here reading Divergent trilogy earlier.

That’s it for my day off! Tomorrow’s another day to be a superhero aka a nurse. Work is work but don’t forget to spend a day or two by yourself, relax, unwind, and have fun! :) Btw thanks for watching my videos. It really means a lot. 


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